At ManSalt.com, we're on a quest. An epic quest. And yes...a manly quest.
We're here to help men understand that baths are badass. That ManSalt baths, in particular,are the bomb. And that even though someone's been screwing around, trying to convince us that "real men don't take baths," we're not fooled. Not anymore.
Baths are for guys, too. They are awesome. They are our God-given right. Especially salt baths. Especially now that ManSalt has given you better scents to enjoy besides the standard "Chick Flick Rinse" that was getting mass produced before we launched our revolution.
Yeah. You're welcome.
Not convinced yet? We've got you covered, bro. Here are some reasons why you should embrace the thoroughly masculine art of taking a salt bath.
1. Because no, you don't have to sit in your own filth. WTH, dude. You're just doing it wrong.
We've seen dudes all over the Internet spouting this nonsense. One fellow earnestly explained that men are just dirtier than women are, what with all of that sweat and car grease and stuff. He said it took him less than 10 minutes to turn the water green, and he wouldn't want to bathe the family jewels in that.
We wouldn't want our "valuables" in green, gross water, either. Especially since that grease must have gone through one hell of a chemical reaction to turn it green in the first place. Green? Really?
Of course, the color of car grease aside, it's time to stop making assumptions like that. Many men don't actually roll around in car grease all day long. We're all different, FFS. And there's no rule that says you can't sluice off in the shower before adding ManSalt to your bath and relaxing in it.
Shower=get clean if you're really that dirty.
Epsom salt=enjoying your evening in a hot, steaming cauldron of Awesome.
Once again, you are welcome.
Speaking of which...
2. People are waking up to the travesty of "Rose Hips" and other floral things.
It's not just bath salts that have made the whole business of getting clean kind of fraught for us dudes. Even simple soap has been a PITA for a very long time. Soap used to come, almost exclusively, in scents like rose hips, lavender, and "vanilla sugar scrub."
It's little wonder that most guys got into the habit of darting in and out of the bathroom as quickly as humanly possible. Until recently, we've really only had shampoo mohawks to bring even the slightest level of dignity to this whole getting clean thing.
But now there are quite a few companies that understand that men can't continue to live this way. We're making sure you can smell great after you soak. A couple of soap makers are making sure you can scrub your pits with pride, too. When you're done picking up your ManSalt, check out Duke Canon's Big Ass Soaps.
Shower with the Duke, soak with our salts. Now we're talking.
3. Because it increases magnesium levels in your body, and you actually care about this a lot more than you think you do.
First, you're probably low on the stuff. Way low. According to CNN, only about 23% of the American population has enough magnesium in the body. For us guys, the recommended amount is between 400 to 420 milligrams. Now, of course, eating the right foods helps. Popeye was apparently right about the whole spinach thing, for example. So was your Mom.
But unless you're willing to give up on soft drink and booze (which strip magnesium from the body) or want to eat magnesium-rich stuff literally all the time, you could probably use the boost that a ManSalt bath is going to give you. And it does offer a boost...studies show you'll absorb the magnesium through your skin, which will in turn give you a measurable increase in your magnesium levels, all without bad side effects.
If you happen to hate spinach, pumpkin seeds and squash, that's pretty good news.
Why do you care?
First, low magnesium levels can really put a damper on your workouts by giving you some nasty muscle cramps. Not normal aches and pains. No, we're talking about excruciating Charlie Horse things. Someone will ask, "Dude, do you even lift?" and you'll want to punch them. Only you won't be able to, because the Cramps of Justice will be upon you, and you'll wonder why you didn't just go and take your manly bath to avoid this mess.
The second reason you care is maintaining proper magnesium levels helps you fight off heart disease. We're men. Heart disease is out to get us. It's the leading cause of male death in the US. It's going to get one out of four of us. It's grim stuff to talk about, but burying your head in the sand isn't going to help. It doesn't even matter if you've never had any heart problems before. You can go for years, never have any symptoms, and keel over. Heart disease gets women too, but it gets lots, and lots, and lots of guys...and while we can't guarantee that ManSalt is going to keep you out of the emergency room, we are telling you that it's one of the things you could do for yourself to up your chances of dodging that bullet.
4. Because you don't want to look like Batman when you're on the throne.
Because let's face it. There are plenty of scenarios where we want to look like Batman.
Date night? Batman.
Ziplining? Definitely Batman.
But not in the can. When you're on the can, you won't look the way Batman looks in the movies as Anne Hathaway purrs at him. No. It'll be the Batman of the comics. Grim mouth, two foot jaw jut, narrowed eyes—you know, exactly as if he's going to have to grunt his way through three magazines before he can get the hell out of the bathroom.
(You totally see it now, don't you?)
Constipation sucks, and guess what—magnesium again...ManSalt baths help with that.
5. Because You Don't Feel Like Rockin' a Dad Bod
We've heard Dad Bod is considered sexy these days, but we theorize it's mostly because a lot of women still want to take Matt Damon a casserole even though he's gone and developed one.
Matt Damon is Matt Damon. The rest of us might not be so sure about Dad Bod's ability to score us delicious one-dish meals or...other things. But ManSalt baths are pretty cool for those of us who are watching our weight. It leads to lowered stress, which leads to lower cortisol. Lower cortisol allows you to sleep better at night, which means even lower cortisol.
You want lower cortisol, because when your bloodstream is lousy with cortisol (the stress hormone) your body will want to hold on to your weight. Why? Because your body thinks you may need all that energy to fight off a lion with your bare hands later.
You are never going to need to fight a lion with your bare hands, so you'll never lose the fat. Because nothing compares to fighting a real lion. Not even dealing with that idiot Johnson who is trying to take credit for your ideas. Not even seething while your mother-in-law says that crap mothers-in-law-say. Not even 5 o'clock traffic with every last idiot on the road who doesn't know how to drive. Nothing. If you're not really wrestling a lion, your body knows it. It's saying, "Quit screwing around and find me a lion to fight, or we're keeping the pudge."
So remember. ManSalt leads to lower cortisol. Lower cortisol leads to lower weight. Lower weight leads to...other things.
It's like the opposite of being led to the Dark Side. Which is good, because it means you probably won't go to jail for choking Matt Damon if you ever happen to meet him in person.
6. Because lots, and lots, and lots of guys already secretly take baths and love the crap out of them.
They're the explorers. The pioneers. The guys who stared down the barrel of the stereotypes and said, "STFU. You can't take this awesome thing away from me."
We have proof. See this blog post. See the comments section. There ya go.
Look, nobody is coming to take your Man Card away if you enjoy a ManSalt soak. In fact, if they try, your lean, relaxed, yes-I-did lift, hearth-healthy, I-look-like-Batman-at-appropriate-times body will rise up. Hot water will roll slowly down your six-packs in rivulets as you step slowly from your bathtub. You will look powerful and intimidating, like you're about to head off and defend Sparta right after you put on some pants and dispatch this whiny, bath-hating bureaucrat who has (weirdly) shown up in your bathroom to demand your Man Card. And the bureaucrat, this little insect who thinks he knows something, will flee from you. He will in fact crab-scuttle back over the floor tiles and show himself the door, pale and sweating.
Why will he flee? Because he's got an inferior, magnesium-deprived, constipated, stress-ridden body you'll break like a twig.
7. Because you've worked your ass off, that's why.
You've hustled the hustle and closed the deal. You've put in a 14-hour day writing the code. You've caught the ball, ran the marathon, and fixed the car. You've lifted the weights and had your power shake.
In short, dude, you have done the thing. And you deserve to soak your tired, aching, stressed-out muscles if you feel like it. Especially if you're in pain.
Even Men's Fitness thinks you should do it. They listed salt baths as one of their "Top 10 Pill-Free Ways to Manage Pain." If salt baths are even showing up in Men's Fitness you know that this whole bath stigma thing is going away for good.
And there's absolutely no satisfaction in popping a pill. No reward. No acknowledgement of the fact that you have gone out there and saved Sparta (or at least gotten your job done) today. Why remain unsatisfied when you could pour a big dose of ManSalt into a hot tub, lock the bathroom door, and enjoy yourself while you relax and let the pain drain? Clearly, this is a superior method of celebrating your victories and easing your pain so you can get out there tomorrow and do it all over again.
8. Because TVs in the bathroom are a thing!
If you've never watched the big game in the bathroom you're missing an opportunity to pretty much feel like the King of Everything. Get a wall mount to keep it safe, then spend as much time as you like in there. Pre-game, first half, intermission, second-half, post-game commentary.
All of it. All of it. You will be warm, comfortable, relaxed. Take a beer in there with you, we don't care. That'll be great, too.
Can you do that in a shower? No. No, you cannot. You can't even drink a beer in the shower without watering it down. Think about that. Think about it...then order your ManSalt and jump on this train.