Bath Bombs - July 8, 2016

Bath bombs are awesome. They're little balls of salt and essential oils that you chuck into your tub so you can feel energized and ready to take on the challenges of your day.

But not all bath bombs are created equal. Some do downright bizarre things. 

Some bath bombs turn you pink. Nobody wants that.

Lush Bath Bombs are the leading lady brand. Apparently, though, people either aren't reading the labels or they've just made the product look a little too much like regular soap.

Several people, at least, have tried to use the bath bomb like soap and have ended up with bright pink glittery skin. For days. We've heard of "use as directed," but jeez. 

Just for the record, if you accidentally try to use a ManSalt bath bomb like soap you should not turn any crazy colors. You'll probably just feel a scratchy sensation. And then maybe you'll feel a little silly. Not that we're recommending you try it. We're looking at you, Mr. "I Just Want to See What Will Actually Happen." Dude, our stuff's meant to be diluted too. We're tellin' ya here and now.

Don't screw around. Even if ManSalt won't turn you any crazy colors, the proper procedure is to run steaming hot water. Stand over the tub. And throw that bad boy in like you're an action star chucking a grenade.

Watch it explode into salty goodness.

Insert yourself into the aftermath and let out a long sigh. That's your manly bath equivalent of walking away from the explosion with your sunglasses on and your trench coat flaring.

Some bath bombs turn your bathtub into the set of a horror movie.

Then there are these bath bombs from Bellas Muerte. The name of the company sounds a little creepy (muerte definitely means "death" in Spanish), but the product is creepier still. It turns your water pitch black.

Now, maybe you dig bathing in water that looks like it's out of the set of one of those horror movies. You know, the ones where some unlucky bastard is washing the dishes or taking a bath and suddenly all the water starts running black. Three seconds later some unfathomable thing grabs said unlucky bastard, drags him under, and drowns him.

That sort of sounds like anti-relaxation. It's not supposed to stain your skin or your tub at least. Which is good. It sort of adds insult to injury if you spend the whole bath wondering if some lake monster is going to bite your you-know-what off only for you to come out of the bath looking like "Swamp Thing" yourself.

We suppose there are some emo goth guys out there who will dig it, but other guys should probably stick to ManSalt. The bath water will just look like bath water by the time a ManSalt bath bomb is finished exploding. 

Some people are turning into real smart asses when it comes to bath bombs. Admittedly, you can have some fun watching this.

Apparently enough women tweeted about Lush bath bombs to annoy the whole damned Internet. They'd throw bath bombs into the tub, film them dissolving, and wax poetic about the results.

Next thing you know, people are throwing watermelons, apples, and even ficus trees into their bath tubs to let us know just how stupid they think it is to film your bath bombs and tweet about it. 

Do not throw ficus trees into your bathtub. Throw ManSalt bath bombs into your bathtub.

Maybe don't tweet the photos. It's a bath bomb, not a photo op. Don't be douchey about it or else you might inspire people to throw entire logging operations into their tubs next. And then suddenly spouses are going to have to remove the logging operations, and people are going to be divorcing left and right, and it's just going to be this whole ridiculous deal.

Just bathe, dude. Bathing is enough. No need to wax poetic.

Feel free to laugh at the antics of everyone else involved in this weird Twitter craze, though.

Make sure you only throw the real deal into your tub.

In this case, we've got the real deal for men. Our bath bombs are designed with five manly scents meant to appeal to your unique personality. You don't have to smell like a luscious sparkling pink raspberry cherry rose vanilla anything. Which would be embarrassing in the extreme. 

Our bath bombs don't do anything crazy. They just ease your tired, aching muscles. They reduce your stress and help you sleep. They're easy to carry for business and personal travel. No horror movie scenes. No skin color changes. 

If you did undergo a physical change as a result of using ManSalt bath salts it would be from less buff to more buff. Our bath bombs help you recover faster from workouts, which means you have more energy to build that body. That's a change we can get behind. It could potentially make you more bad-ass at work, too, since you'll be easing all that stress away. It could make you sharper, more confident, and ready to go so you can win that promotion you've been trying to score.

It's as good as having a big bag of Epsom salt right in the palm of your hand, ready to go. Well, okay. Maybe it's more awesome than that, because you still get that cool hiss-fizz explosion thing. You've gotta admit that part is pretty cool.

 

Sources:

http://www.youthhealthmag.com/articles/34228/20160123/lush-turn-skin-pink.htm

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3634515/Bellas-Muerte-bath-bombs-turn-water-jet-black.html

https://www.yahoo.com/style/people-parodying-lush-bath-bombs-140148559.html